...At times I would feel very disillusioned by the outer world. I moved away from a lot of people and things. I could not explain my mind to anyone as I myself did not know what was happening, what did I search all the time? What is the type of emptiness that covered my mind, body and soul?
Some years back I understood this pull as the voice of my soul, which tried to make me aware of my inner reality, telling me to wake up to myself. I do remember that I always put aside this other, inner call of the soul; which gave rise to a lot of emptiness and some questioning.
“Why am I not able to move away from the outer, to my inner dimensions”?
At such moments I recall complaining to God too, “If You want me to move towards my soul awareness, why did You put me in such responsibility ridden situations as it would not be right to give up my present life karma and walk towards my true identity”.
“Wherever one has been placed in the present is all due to the past karmic Len-Den (give and take).
Bhagvad Gita The sacred words of Shree Krishn does not permit any soul to move away from their present karmic situations”.
Later I understood this deeply from my Gurushree; How to live in this world totally and yet be a witness to all. Renunciation is only of expectations, actions have to be performed to the best and together with the results offered at the feet of the Divine.
There were moments when I also felt this severe clash of identities. “Who am I”
What does my heart actually long for?
Later as I went deeper in meditations and encountered the Divine flow within; did I understand that this was the actual lack which I had always experienced; what I wanted was the Divine, and I mistakenly searched for Him in the outer dimensions.
All answers I received when the time was right.
These answers and the related experiences form the back bone of my book.
They are genuine and expressed only with the intention of providing the right motivation for other souls, who maybe are seeking some answers.
As time passed and positive ness entered, negative karmas cut off; I understood what my search was for. It was for this divine connection that my soul yearned for. As I entered deeper, the shanti-peace and the anand–joy increased and for the first time in this lifetime I felt a sense of happiness and satisfaction.
Total life period is spent in trying to find and feel this peace and joy in the wrong places.
With personal experience, I would like to explain, the journey inwards is not a bed of roses.
It has to be a very firm decision and commitment on your part and requires the highest discipline.
I have tried here in this book, to say it all in my words - my experience; on how many blocks and obstacles will try and force to change decisions. You have to be very determined and keep a very firm mind; as after crossing a certain height in this inward journey, Higher Intelligence will put across many obstacles to stop you; just to make sure if you are ready to cross over to the next stage. There is always a choice in life, and it is the difficult one which will take you to the next level.
One does not have to wait for retirement or old age to begin seeking God or the Truth.
I learnt to live my life on the highest truth:
“No matter what others say or think; if you are following the soul’s demands towards your God, move on, do not stop, only because some people do not have the right understandings”.
So continuing with your daily lives, keep the awareness strong in the presence of God, take out a few moments daily to feel His presence. You are not required to give up or renounce anything.
The required strength, courage, motivation to stay stable in this inward journey is directly the grace of God and Guru. The divine guru is the total form of unconditional love.
All this I recount in my documentations as a book on God and Guru and the seeking Self or soul.
After all my experiences from the last nearly 13-14 years, I have realized the truth that God, Guru and Self are one; meaning that my devotion to Guru is also devotion to God as also to the Self within me.
My Divine Guru - Gurushree Sudhir bhai
My form of God –Maha Gurushree ShreeNathji, Shree RadhaKrishn
My Self – the seeker - Abha Shahra
As you move through my book, many times it may appear astonishing, what I write. My claims are true, the Presence of ShreeNathji very real and Alive around us.
In my book I have tried to describe this journey to my inner Dot-Bindu with my Gurushree Shri Sudhir bhai, and how he opened the divine dimensions for me.